The Mini Stalker

I sometimes suffer from the gum-stuck-to-the-shoe problem. You know, you’re doing your thing, walking around, being yourself, and – bam, – step on something you didn’t see and now the sole of your shoe is covered in gum. How irritating.

The same happens with people sometimes, right? I have a semi-stalker story.

I’m not really bothered by the idea of having a stalker. It was never on the list of “scary things”. Of course, the stalker I have in my mind is the non-threatening type who is too shy to approach me. Something who isn’t frightening or leaving dead pigeons on my doorstep.

I met this person at a celebration last year, and we danced and talked a lot. I definitely received a lot of compliments, which is always nice. He seemed jolly. Was dressed smart, which suited him. Among a group of friends (and without saying much of anything, really) he seemed interesting, so we decided to hang out.

Oh God.

We drove to the beach – or, rather, the “beach” here in Toronto (I don’t count anything that’s on a real ocean as a beach, which does not mean I’m criticizing the Beaches neighborhood – I love it there) – to hang out.  Halfway there, I already felt bored. I talked about work, that fills up some time, and I get really passionate about it.

He didn’t have a job. Oh?

Acting aspirations. Oh, of course! Former snowboard instructor. Oh, that type.

I’ll spare you the date itself, but we sat on a bench, and looked at serene water. It’s not that I started to run out of topics for conversations, it’s that I received agreement to EVERYTHING. He lacked any kind of opinion. He nodded to everything. Or simply had nothing to say.

Then he took out a sketchbook and we did a minimalist rendition of what was in front of us. Few lines, a flicker of a bird, child digging in the sand.

Anyway, I won’t spare you the rest of the depressing details, but I had to kick him out in the evening, after having invited friends over to save me from this terrible visitor.

I never saw him in person again.

But my oh my, did I receive phone calls from random numbers (since he didn’t have a cell phone at the time)! I always received Facebook chats from him. And he liked every status update of mine. And said weird things like, “Hey, you’re a good one.” Yeah, duh. Except that coming from him that phrase sounded oblique and obscure.

And then there were invites to most ridiculous events like the Jay Z concert afterparty. I responded, “uh, sorry, I’m not into rap”. And he said, “Yeah, right, I know u like beatz” or something like that. I think the comment was inspired by my interests in techno. There is a world of difference between Jay Z and German minimal techno.

I received messages with various numbers I should call, and invitations to come out when I was visiting his city. Then he moved to Toronto. Tried to meet up with me, but by then I ignored all his messages.

I didn’t contact him at all, but then he apparently came by my house! He messaged with “Did you get my message from the little Asian lady?” I was a dubious as I didn’t receive anything. He said he was in the ‘hood (uh-huh) and left me a message via her.

That’s where my patience expired.

Seriously. What next – waiting by my work or my house?

So I said, “are you gonna be my stalker now?” he got all offended. Thank gods he did, I wanted him off my back! He finally stopped pestering me and I deleted him from Facebook. No more reminders.

Peaceful!

Takeaway: If there is some advice that I can give, that is to cut the potential stalkers in the beginning. Nip it in the bud. If you have a nice girl (or guy – we all know of a guy with a crazy ex-girlfriend story!) tendencies, you may want to lay it down like it is before they build an imaginary post-wedding life with you.