About the First/Second Dates Again
I’ve been talking to my friend about first/second/third dates, about the idea of assertiveness and gender expectations recently. There are several scenarios here. We’ve all probably been in one or another.
When you go on a date, and you don’t know whether you like the other person, you give it another try (or you don’t. Or they don’t. Or neither of you are interested.) Okay. What if at some point they become quite assertive and ask questions that require serious consideration before answering. What if you yourself just want to cut the crap and figure out whether you’re interested in reducing a 4-month saga to a few week’s decision.
There’s also an interesting issue with either ladies or gentlemen being assertive. I’ve noticed that ladies either like it when men chase after them, or are extremely interested in meeting on a short notice and multiple times (seriously, asking to meet several times a day for three days in a row, via text messages? It’s cute but annoying, too). As long as it’s not stalker-y, it’s cute.
When ladies are assertive about meeting and during the date (leading the conversation, sort of interviewing the gentleman – time is precious), they freak out at times. Do gentlemen really prefer the quiet, homely types? The types who wait to be asked a question? I know several damsels who like to know where they stand so as not to waste their time. They ask or figure it out somehow, and either pursue or – usually, – let it go. The boys keep running back! But they get ignored. And others don’t mind the sagas. Sagas are great to determine if there is someone better one can end up with. Look at the bright side 
Another selfish and me-specific notion. The idea of time (and its fast-paced disappearance). It is always on my mind. I just wouldn’t stand the waiting, trying to figure out whether I like them or not, hoping/not knowing whether they do, or whether I do. A great sign is when you hit it off enough to let go of societal constructions about how your string of communications should proceed next. Think about it. You like each other enough to start communicating a lot; there isn’t a 2-3-4 day rule or whatever. But that kind of ease only happens with star-crossed lovers. Mortals, it seems, have to jump through the hoops.
Of course, the contemporary life makes us even more neurotic given the preposterous number of tools we have. Calling, texting, e-mailing, Facebook messages/wall scribbles/likes/pokes, Tweeting in some cases, blogging (snooping on their blogs, sites, whatever). There’s just so many points of contact that it’s easy to go overboard. I remember the good days of MSN/phone (I don’t do MSN messenger anymore), and then real meetings.
At the end of the day, it may become better to date friends of friends with whom you’ve hung out (or neighbors!), or even seeing an old friend in a new light than trying to construct a relationship with a complete stranger.
