“I’d Like You to Meet my New Boyfriend”

Why is so important for some people to ensure their ex and their current beau become friends? I think it’s because they want to ease any tension there may be but really all that does is make situations awkward.

Take for example a good friend of mine, let’s call him Derek.  Derek had known this girl from his class for several months. He found her very attractive but never imagined she would hang out with him let a lone interested in dating him.  All of a sudden one day he is called up by her out of the blue to get together.  They saw a movie, had some drinks and for the next couple of weeks she invited him over to all the parties/events that she had at her place.

After a couple of months of dating, Derek hinted that he would like to get more serious with the girl.  Unfortunately for him, she explained to him that she just wasn’t into dating anyone seriously at that point in time.

Needless to say Derek was quite upset but he respected her and still wanted to remain friends though they talked much less and rarely in person.  While he still wanted to be friends with her, his heart was broken and it wasn’t easy for him to hide those emotions and pretend everything was alright every time they spoke to each other.

A month later Derek informed me that he was getting together with friends and that the girl would be there with supposedly a surprise… Guess what it was, a new boyfriend.

Derek is a champ so he decides to be an adult and stick around despite having to see the new lovers grope each other all night.   He figured he could just spend the night hanging out with his other friends and generally avoid speaking to his ex and still seem “cool”.  The plan was working perfectly until the girl came across the bar dragging her new boyfriend behind her.  She introduced the guys to each other and tried to stir up some conversations.  Now these guys were actually quite a like and probably would have been friends in another circumstance but the fact is that there is always some degree of jealousy or “territorial rights” between new and old partners.  I have witnessed this with both new boyfriends and new girlfriends with a wide array of reactions.  Some can play it cool and smile politely, while some decide to pout, swear and hurl chairs at the ex.

I understand that the girl just had good intentions because she wanted everyone to get along but in this particular story she put way too much pressure on the situation.  I believe that having all parties acting civilized in a situation like that is as much as anyone should ask for; especially in a short time span like this.

The old adage that time heals all wounds does have some say in this matter but it also makes things a lot easier when members of the original couple have both found a new partner.

So keep an ear on your ex’s situation if you still want to remain friends.  Give it some time and when the day comes that everyone is together keep it relaxed and consider their feelings.